I Improved the SEO Ranking of a Sex Club Website..

Tales from the Upwork Crypt, part II

Harmony S

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Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

I’ve ranted a lot about Upwork. For a reason. Jobs on there can get pretty fuckin weird.

Back in 2019, I was working on Upwork full time while being a digital nomad. I bounced around Norway, Jordan, Sweden, Denmark and USA in the span of one year. I tried living the life before COVID hit and I shit my pants and got an office job in Arizona, which didn’t really work out so great, but whatever.

And as I’ve mentioned before, not all of my projects on Upwork pertained to my field, GIS. I wrote about witchcraft, politics, Viking history, and how weed improves sex, for example.

But one project which I actually made a pretty penny from, ($45 bucks an hour, if I recall correctly), was to improve the SEO of a website in order to get it to rank higher on search engine result pages.

It wasn’t just any website. It was an ‘adult friend finder’ kinda website. Oh, and they posted ads for (legal) sex clubs and stuff.

I took the job on. When I spoke with the client, he had the most stereotypical slimy brothel owner voice ever. Imagine in your brain a character from Pulp Fiction, and that was basically this guy.

“Hey so uh…you do know what we’re about, riiiight?”, he inquired, lingering on that last word.

“Yeah. Don’t worry. I have no moral qualms regarding this project”, I confidently assured him.

I got to work immediately. He gave me the credentials to the website, and I saw the innerworkings of a kind of website that looked borderline dark web-ish (though he stressed it was absolutely consensual and nothing looked out of place when I browsed the website, honestly).

I checked their SEO. Whoever the dumb fuck was that designed their website did SEO stuffing, which is when you put every keyword imaginable whether it pertains to the site’s contents or not directly in the HTML. So, first order of business was to select the most accurate SEO words.

You know, like these: penis, vagina, sex, oral, penetration, hookup, casual, orgy.

So yeah. First objective box: ticked.

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Harmony S

H A P P Y and you should be TOO!!! LIFE IS AMAZING 👏🦝🦄🌺🍭I write for ILLUMINATION, The Memoirist, Fuck Niches, and The Orange Journal.