No one is going to hold your hand.
We have this saying that you can lead a donkey to water but you can’t make him drink.
Stop looking for a savior!
For too long in my life I had the toxic approach of seeking out people who would save me.
And you know it’s kind of true. For most people all they need is to be loved and accepted and they’ll be healthy adults with appropriate levels of self esteem.
But yeah I searched for a savior.
And believe me, people tried! But what did I do?
I lacked the perspective to accept their comfort, and decidedly dragged them down with me!
Moreover, loads of people put out their hands and acted like they cared when all they wanted was to control me.
The world is full of SICK people.
I guess some people get to that level of sickness from not having their needs met, while others need no explanation — it’s who they want to be.
Regardless, for a long time in my life I had simply engaged in self sabotaging behavior since I simultaneously needed help but only knew how to accept it from vile people with ulterior motives.
So, what changed?
Fortunately I am intelligent enough to self reflect. Believe me, if I didn’t have that ability, I don’t know where I’d be.
Most people I’ve met who were toxic had unresolved trauma. I noticed this pattern long ago in my life. I saw this firsthand almost everyday with certain folks I grew up with. While they were offering excuses for their behavior that I was just supposed to put up with, I could at least peer into their intent.
They had enough self awareness to realize the cause of their low esteem and constant stress but not enough willpower to overcome it.
Imagine how much better life would have been for them had they helped themselves!
Now that I have some distance I can start the healing process which includes forgiveness.
But back to my original point. There’s no saviors. But there are ways to help yourself that involve other people.