Nobody Ever Told me This About Motherhood…

Having a child connects you to the future as much as it does to the past

I remember the afternoon I brought my three-day old newborn home. He was asleep, of course. In fact, from the moment of his first squeal out of my womb to when I held him in my arms on the five minute drive home, he barely woke up if not just to cry for a split second before yawning and falling asleep again.

On the drive home, I recall looking out of the passenger window, on high alert for danger. Suddenly, everyone and everything had become a threat. The woman who had popped out of nowhere to strut past the car — had she been following us? The man who drove slightly too closely to the door could have easily swiped the lefthand mirror. And the weather beat down from the sky oppressively, since it was early September. Certainly, my son’s body was ill-equipped to tolerate the intense,stifling Arab heat of Jordan.

The first week of my son’s life, I refused to sleep while he was sleeping. I only slept if I could secure a pair of eyes or two on him to make sure he wouldn’t succumb to the dangers (if not overblown threat) of SIDS. I was smart, and married into a huge family who are committed to playing a very big role in Troy’s life, so thank God those early days were a bit less chaotic for us than for some…