They want to drag you down to their level
For some strange reason, I have the tendency to attract really broken people. I have a broken past myself, and so I definitely try not to have a ‘fuck you, I’ve got mine’ kind of personality since my mental health has improved. I really hate it when people gain any kind of autonomy or power in their lives and immediately turn around to break others trying to get up to speed with their own problems.
As a result of my savior kind of personality, I think I come across as being an ear. And I am. I deeply appreciate people who trust me enough to be vulnerable. More often than not, I like to believe that side of my personality has helped someone feel comforted.
As for myself, I’ve been there. From drunkingly rambling about my problems to strangers in bar bathrooms to bursting into tears at bad memories and emotionally vomited my incoherent thoughts to friends online (who ran far the hell away after), Cringy as hell, but yes, I have indeed done some things that have prompted people to intervene. They winded up exhausted in the end and left. Does that sound cruel? It sure did at the time.
But I get it now.
I’m tired of harping on my own issues in real life. I let it all out here, and consider the internet to be a nice place to air grievances since, frankly, I don’t know any of you in my own personal life. Not that I wouldn’t like to, but still, I can be rest assured that if you’re reading my less than positive articles about issues I have had with my dad or about my past, it’s because you clicked on the link and you ultimately want to read about it.
I didn’t pollute your ears by turning you into my impromptu therapist. And I also know dwelling doesn’t fix shit. Action does. But how do you communicate that truth who is caught in a constant ranting loop? And what do you do if this is someone in your family?
I don’t feel comfortable naming names. Let’s just be as vague as possible. I’m talking about some people I knew at university until now as well as someone in my own family.
I’ve seen firsthand the life of a woman who went well into her sixties bitter about everything. I’ve witnessed a very intelligent man I met at my university who did LSD a bunch of times…