The Many Vicissitudes of Success (and lack thereof)
But even worse…
What if I do succeed? And then…how do I deal with people thinking they know me?
I must admit something to you, dear reader. I’ve been promising to write on Medium for over three fking years now, and each time I write an article, I leave it up for about a week, then rush to delete it, as though I have embarrassed myself. Feeling emotionally naked has never been my strong suit and wearing my heart on my sleeve requires strength and discipline that I had to learn on my own. Sadly, emotional vulnerability has been the product of harsh criticism I’ve levied onto myself, being traumatized, and probably an unhealthy amount of judgment I’ve cast onto other people.
I am always searching for better words, less clunky means of expressing my thoughts, and wondering whether I’ll have said something that reveals my ignorance about x topic.
I’ve come to accept one thing after living for 29.5 years.
Ignorance is absence of knowledge, but it is a bucket that can be filled
While I’m one to fear being criticized, I’ve never been one too shy to experience something new.
And as someone who has had more socially awkward moments in her life than I’d care to enumerate, I’m going to be awkward either way, so might as well try to feel comfortable within my own skin.
To be fair, I’m starting to feel the burden of time
At some point in our lives our sense of mortality creeps up on us. I have a passing thought about death everyday. Don’t worry, I’m fine. I just need to know that what I want to accomplish must be done now rather than later, since there may never be a later.
So here is to publishing whatever dreck and drivel bubbles in my mind. Regardless of cliches, feedback, success, offense, the loss of hesitancy is key to getting to where you want to be in your life and realizing the internal vision of your perfect self.
But I must tell you
I fear what will happen if I were to be so blessed with some kind of readership. How do I deal with the newfound responsibility…