This YouTube Channel is a Window into the Dark Underworld and it Worries Me About the Kind of Person I Might Have Become

This channel is unparalleled in the portrayal of gangsters, drug addicts, prostitutes, and other savory walks of life

Harmony S
7 min readMay 30, 2022


Photo by Jonathan Gonzalez on Unsplash

If you’re anything like me, you’re attracted to fucked up stuff.

I’m not sure what it is but the shock of realness is intoxicating. Sometimes I don’t want to wear the veneer of stability. Life is kind of a paradox — the desire for freedom while also finding security. You literally will not lead a happy fulfilled life without striking a balance between both.

Some folks are all one or the other (or at least, that’s how they want to portray themselves). I’ve met some people who appear so structured, I’m not sure if they’ve allowed themselves the permission to feel horny.

On the other hand, I’ve known some people who seem to be living their lives in constant fight or flight mode — not anticipating to be alive by the next day. If you ask them what they want their lives to look like ten years from now, they’ll scratch their heads and come up with pure silence.

Now, the folks in the latter category have some pretty fucking amazing life stories. We’re all ears when those kinds of folks talk.

I have to admit to you I honestly wonder where I’d be without my husband. The things I’ve been through, holy shit — it’ll take a couple years of getting accustomed to the idea of having a permanent place to sleep before I’m able to process every experience. I’m definitely someone who has values, at least, so maybe I wouldn’t have gotten too off track of a ‘normal’ life. But I made some curious decisions along the way that’d make anyone raise their eyebrows.

Creepy sugar daddy who abused me for about six years? Check. Living on hard floors of hostels in sketch areas? Check. Being in some traumatizing situations in which I fought for my life? Check. Getting stoned out of my mind to the point of wondering if I was part demon when I looked into the mirror? Check. Living unemployed with a landlord in some tiny ass town in rural Arizona who was slowly losing his mind and sometimes wouldn’t recognize me…



Harmony S

H A P P Y and you should be TOO!!! LIFE IS AMAZING 👏🦝🦄🌺🍭I write for ILLUMINATION, The Memoirist, Fuck Niches, and The Orange Journal.